12 Easy Steps to a Tantrum Free Home (Toddler Edition)

Imagine this: no more toddler tantrums, ever.

What would that feel like? Good? Good.

Would you believe me if I told you it's possible?

Psst. Here's a secret: it IS possible. Surprised? Let me explain...

I'm tired of people telling me I'm lucky to have such easy children, or to hear others tell me how hard they find parenting and how bad their kids are.

The truth is; I work hard every single day to nurture healthy behavior. I introspect on myself every single day and I research how I can help my children become the people I want them to be. Most important of all, I act towards my children the way I want them to act with others; that's what educating means.

Kids learn by example, they mimic you, the parent.

Everyone can have easy children. Everyone. You just need to be ready to put in a lot of time, a lot of patience, and a lot of self control. You, the parent.

If you are not patient with your child, he will not be patient with you. If you don't show him respect, he will not respect you. If you yell at him, he will yell at you. If you say no to him all the time, he will say no to you. If you don't value his opinion, he will never value yours. If you don't explain things to him, he will never open up to you. It's quite simple actually, if there's anything you want him to learn, you first have to show him, consistently. If you don't, they will not only be like that with you, but also with others (and it will continue on to adulthood).

So next time you go around saying bad things about your kids, or about how bad today's generation is turning out...I'd think twice before talking...what does it say about you?

Be respectful, understanding, and patient
with your child from the moment they are born,
not from the moment you think they are "old enough". 

What do you think the "terrible 2" phase is? Seriously, think about it. All toddlers hear from the moment they can move is "no, don't touch that", "no, don't go there", "no, this", "no, that". Is it really a surprise to you that when they learn to talk and realize they're their own person they say no? Stop saying no to your child for everything!

You have no control, you never have and you never will. Accept this now and save yourself years of pain and frustration. From the moment they are born, your child is his own person, with his own personality and his own likes and dislikes (he just hasn't learned them yet). You can't change who he is.

Just remember, kids are humans, and just like humans of any age, they need to be treated with love, respect (yes, respect) and understanding. They need to feel that their thoughts and opinions are valued and considered. They need physical contact and opportunities for growth without being held back all the time. They need to feel like they belong and have their basic needs met, like adequate sleep and food.

Don't do to your child
what you wouldn't want someone else
to do to you.

Love: Be patient when your child cries, embrace your child multiple times a day, give him food at regular times, play with him every day for at least an hour, allow his to help you with chores even if he makes it worse or it takes longer.

Respect: Do not yell at your child, do not grab their arm aggressively, do not humiliate him in public, listen when he communicates with you (be it actions or words).

Understanding: Take the time to figure out what your toddler wants or needs.

3 basic things you need to understand.

1. A child is not a robot.

This may sound ridiculous, but seriously, I can't even count how many times I've heard other parents say things like: "sit here and don't move" or "don't do that and be quiet" or "stop crying or you’ll be punished". When did a child (or any person for that matter) become a thing that is supposed to not move, not talk, and have no feelings? I don't get it.

2. You can't control your child.

Actually, you can't control anyone (except maybe yourself... OK wait, let's not be delusional, most of us can't even do that!). So why you think you can control your child is beyond me, especially when feelings are involved!

3. You're a guide, not a dictator.

I know everyone has a different parenting style, and that's totally fine with me. I'm not here to start a war, or to tell you to do things a certain way. But let's be real here, your child is not a soldier and he is most certainly not a prisoner of war. Your role is to be a guide in his life and to help him through his decisions and experiences, not to stop them from making mistakes and taking the wrong decision.

6 things you can do right now to reduce the possibility of a tantrum.

1. Spend quality time with your child.

The more quality time you spend with your child, the less likely he’ll try to get your attention by screaming, interrupting you while you speak, or rolling on the floor at the store. It’s a good idea to spend at least 1 hour with him daily (and no, watching TV together doesn’t count).

Take action: You can do things like read books together, roll in the grass, run after each other, do puzzles, draw, dance, play hide-and-seek, and if you have no idea what to do, follow his lead.

It's also important to note that everyone, children included, needs time alone. Over stimulation can lead to tantrums just as much as lack of interaction.

Take action: Encourage him to read a book, draw, or do a puzzle alone...and for god's sake, please turn off the TV and keep your iPhone or tablet as far from him as possible. You may think it's giving you a break, but in reality it's creating an addiction, depriving him of an important opportunity to learn patience, and stopping him from developing social intelligence.

2. Plan ahead.

If ever you plan on going out, make sure you explain to your child what to expect.

Case study: For example, when I go grocery shopping, I review the list with my son before leaving and I tell him what I'm going to need his help with. When we arrive, he's in charge of the list and reminding me if I forgot anything. He's also in charge of getting specific items and helping me put everything on the counter to pay. He's been doing that since he was 2 (maybe even a bit before). The fact that he knows what to expect and that he has tasks, keeps him busy and makes him feel valued. He knows there's no need to pull off a tantrum because he's already got everything he could need and he knows what to expect.

Similarly, it's good to plan outings around meals and nap times. Oh, and make sure you always have snacks on hand. That way, you're avoiding the "I'm exhausted and hungry" meltdowns.

3. Limit the times you say no.

Trust me; you don't need to say no to everything. Limit saying no only to dangerous, serious, or really-big situations. It will have a lot more impact and your child will be a lot less frustrated. If you use it regularly, don't be surprised if he learns to tune it out.

Case study: You know the terrible 2 phase where a toddler starts saying no to everything? Where do you think he gets it from? I actually tested that one out, instead of saying no to my children, I said "gently" instead and showed them, by grabbing their hand and helping them, what gently meant (when they would hit the glass table for example, or pulled on my hair). And you know what happened? They almost never said no during the not-so-terrible "terrible 2" phase and were amazingly compliant. Interesting don't you think?

Take action: Here are some examples of things you could say instead of no.
“That's mommy's favorite notebook, let's find you a coloring book instead.”
“You're so good to be able to take out all the pots and pans, now let's play clean up! Yay!”
“This table is made out of glass and can break, let's hit on the floor instead.”

I honestly don't understand why parents say "no" so fast. Is it because they can't be bothered to explain things? Is it because they need to feel powerful? Or is it because it's what everyone else does? I'm not sure, but what I do know is if you want your kids to listen when you say no, then say it less often, a lot less often.

4. Encourage independence.

Toddlers are more capable than we give them credit for. Check out this video and you'll see what I mean.

The more you let your toddler try new things and let him do what he wants to do, the less frustrated he's going to be and the more self confidence he'll have. If he fails, gets hurt, or breaks something, this gives you the perfect opportunity to show him that he can always try again, fix something when it's broken, or simply, that you’ll always be there to comfort him. It's better he learns about consequences at this age when they're insignificant, than later on in life when problems get a whole lot bigger, really fast. 

Take action: Instead of saying no to your child the next time he wants to do something you’re not sure he’s ready for, stand back and let him try (like doing the dishes, bringing a glass to the table, or going down the stairs alone). Don't do it for him and don't say anything other than offer help once. Only give help if he accepts. I know you might be scared, but try to control your emotions.

As a general rule of thumb, either follow your child’s lead or hint at things you’d like him to try. Never push, force or impose (you wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you, so don’t do it to him). This will show him that you trust, respect and have faith in him and it develops self esteem and self worth.

5. Give choices.

This is something super easy to do. Orange or banana? Toast or cereal? Walk or stroller? Shorts or pants? Puzzle or book?

Giving your child choices makes him feel valued and important. It's a great way to reduce possible tantrums. Let him participate in his daily activities.

6. Follow and respect a schedule for naps, meals and snacks.

No one is a happy camper if they're hungry or tired, not even adults, so don't expect your child to be. Yes, it's hard to follow a schedule if you have errands to run, or outings to go on, but if you want a compliant and happy child, then you need to schedule everything around naps and meals.

Yes, it's a pain, but they outcome is an easy child as opposed to an out of control toddler.

Skipping a nap once every couple of weeks is probably not a big deal, but just be conscious that you'll probably have to deal with a light tantrum. If it happens, there's nothing you can do. Comfort your child, hug him, and bring him into his room. You can simply tell him he can come down when he's ready to stop crying. If he comes down anyway, repeat the same thing.

Losing your temper will achieve absolutely nothing other than make the situation worse. Just be consistent and continue bringing him back to his room, DO NOT threaten him about bringing him to his room. Threats are not respectful (we talked about that before).

6 easy steps to help your child through a tantrum.

1. Stay calm.

This is probably the one most important thing you can do. No one has ever been able to control their emotions when the person they're talking to loses it. So don't expect your toddler, who doesn't even know what an emotion is, to be able to control his if you go bonkers.

This doesn't mean to pretend you're calm by talking softly while still boiling inside. Kids aren't stupid, they can see right through you, just like we can.

If you want any of these next tips to work, you have to be able to control your own emotions. So take a deep breath (or two). If you can't handle your own emotions, there's no point moving forward, you've already lost the battle. In that case, you better take a short break and come back to address the situation when you've cooled off.

This step is absolutely necessary. Your calmness will help your toddler regain his. 

2. Remind yourself that you have no control.

Repeat this to yourself: "I have no control." Starting with that mindset will naturally shift your approach. You might even feel vulnerable and automatically end up showing compassion, which brings us to....

3. Show empathy.

You must do this even if you you're late for work, or in a rush for an appointment. Especially so! Taking 2 minutes to go through this step is a total game changer, I promise.

Take action: Bend down to his level, take his hands in yours and ask him to look at you in the eyes. Do not continue talking until you have eye contact. Once you do, you must give no more than 3 short sentences; toddlers have a very short attention span.

You want to confirm how he feels by saying things like: "You don't want to go to daycare today do you? Would you rather stay home and play with mommy?" or "Are you sad?" or "Do you wish mommy didn't go so fast?"

Before you panic...saying these things does not mean you will do them! It just shows them you understand and it will help them immediately calm down.

This step is very important because it's the very first step in emotional intelligence; by being empathetic towards your child, you are showing him how to be empathetic and you are educating him. The more you do this, the more he will replicate the exact same thing with others and even you!

4. Provide comfort.

There's nothing like mommy or daddy's embrace. Physical contact does crazy wondrous magic. I swear.

Take action: At this point you can offer a cuddle and a kiss. If they don't want to, respect them (again, by respecting them, you are educating them on how to respect others). You can follow with your second sentence, something like this: "I love you." or "I'm here for you." or "Let's figure this out together." If he doesn't want to, don't push it and be respectful of his wishes.

5. Skip time-outs.

There is a lot of parenting advice that says to use time-outs or punishments to handle tantrums. To be completely honest with you, that's the absolute worst path to take.

There's a reason your toddler is acting out. Is he exhausted because he didn't nap? Maybe he's hungry because you forgot snack time. Have you played with him consistently in the past few days? Or maybe you've been in his face all weekend and he just can't take it anymore.

Whatever the reason, a tantrum happens because he has no other way to express his feelings and ignoring him or using threats of punishments only creates more intense negative feelings like anger, sadness and anxiety...It makes you more mad, and it makes it harder for him to control his feelings.

The best thing to do is to find alternatives because when you choose a time-out or a punishment, you are creating a disconnection with your child. He may stop crying the first few times because he wants to be with you (the true intention of the tantrum), but eventually he will resent you for it. This will create one of 2 things; a child with low self esteem that obeys at every threat, or a defiant child that doesn't give a sh*t and gives you a run for your money.

I don't know about you but neither of those options sound good to me. What I want is a child with a healthy level of self-esteem, a reasonable amount of respect and empathy for others, with the ability to openly communicate. By following all the steps I'm showing you today, this is very much a possibility!

6. Be firm + consistent.

Being firm doesn't mean raising your voice, or being verbally aggressive. It simply means to hold your end, respectfully. If your toddler comes out of his bed when it's time to sleep, simply bring him back to his bed and give him another hug and kiss. If he comes down again, repeat. Do this until he understands that no matter what, you will always bring him back to his bed. Yes, it will take time. Yes, you might be there for a while. Yes, you will need a lot of patience to remain calm, but he will understand eventually.

As for being consistent, it means always doing the same thing and expecting the same result, every single time. Like going to bed at the same time, and continuing to bring him back to his bed when he comes out, patiently, every single day. PATIENCE. That's all it takes.

When you're setting all those limits, it's going to take a lot of energy and time on your part. But once they're in place, the rest is easy. He will trust you and feel safer with you. He will look to you for advice and will communicate with you.

BONUS: By being firm and consistent when they're very little (even though it might be long and painful and you might pity your poor crying baby who doesn't want to go to sleep), you are building the foundation for a much easier child and teenager. If you're not consistent now, your child will constantly be testing you, to see if you'll change your mind. I don't know about you but I rather take the time now then have to deal with 20+ years of constantly being challenged.

Congratulations! You've graduated! 

You're probably thinking: doesn't all this take a lot of time and energy? Yep, in the beginning it will, more than if you were to use punishments.

Remember though, no pain no gain!

I won't lie to you, you'll feel overwhelmed in the beginning. Especially if you're starting with an older child (you'll have to make him unlearn what he already knows about you before you can teach him about the new you - which is why it's better to start at birth!)

But it will pay off, I promise! And a few months down the road, when everyone else is complaining about how much their toddlers (or kids) act out, you'll be having a mini party in your head. Literally.

Do you do any of the above methods? Does it help? I'd love to know how you handle tantrums or if you have any. Let me know in the comments below!

A guide to recognizing food allergies, for moms (+ FREE egg allergy guide)

As a mother, introducing solid foods to our baby can be quite stressful.

There's literally a bazillion questions we're faced with every single day. When should I start introducing solids? What food should I start with? Why isn't he opening his mouth? Am I giving him too much? Too little? Should he still be drinking milk?

Today, I'll be addressing one question in particular, which happens to be very close to my heart: "How do I know if my child has a food allergy and what should I do?"

I've mentioned quite a few times that my son is allergic to eggs but I don't think I've ever explained exactly how I found out.

Before I get started, I wanted to share a guide I created for you. It explains how to replace eggs in cooking and baking. There's also a section about how to shop for packaged foods with an egg allergy.

Get your FREE egg allergy guide
+ BONUS access to our exclusive resource page
for bloggers and supermoms)

Em was 13 months old when we found out. We were having breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants. I hadn't finished introducing all the different foods so I brought his lunch from home. At restaurants, you have no way of knowing what food has been in contact with. So I didn't want to take any chances. I guess on some level, I must have already known he was allergic to something.

Anyway, I started feeding him the meal I brought from home. Looking around, I saw another mom giving her baby (which was much younger then mine) food from her plate. Meanwhile, my son was sitting there, curious, watching us eat our restaurant food with his big brown eyes. In a moment of weakness, I figured what's the harm? So I gave him some of the things I knew he'd already eaten; fruits, bread, potatoes... Nothing happened. So, I followed with crepes, waffles and muffin. We left none the wiser and headed shopping.

We arrived at the store about 20 minutes after we left the restaurant. Em (that's my son's secret code name) had fallen asleep in the car so my husband decided to let him sleep and stayed in the car with him. I went ahead to buy some clothes.

I hadn't been in the store for 5 minutes that my husband called me in panic: "Something's wrong! Quick! Come back! Come back right now!" My heart literally stopped and imploded. I dropped everything on the floor and ran back to the car.



There was vomit everywhere. Literally. On the back car seat, on the baby seat, on my son, on my husband, on the door, on the ground outside the car. I was amazed at how much food there had been in his little stomach.

Naturally, I undressed him and was about to wipe the car a bit when I noticed rashes and swelling in red patches all over his chest, neck, and .... FACE! I could barely see his eyes anymore.

Then I heard it. That sound no mother wants to hear. Wheezing. The kind you get when you have an asthma attack and you feel like someone is crushing your neck. Thankfully, he was coughing, it means your body is still fighting.

I strapped him into his car seat naked and we rushed to the nearest hospital (note: if this happens to you, call the ambulance, don't take your car). Even though the hospital was about 10 minutes away, it was the longest car ride in my life.

As we approached the hospital, his face was so swollen he was unrecognizable. It wasn't long that he stopped coughing and he was changing color. You should have seen me jump out of the car and rush into the emergency.

I didn't even have to say anything, the guard took him and called resuscitation staff stat. Within 1 minute he had 3 pediatrician around him, a shot of epipen, a dose of benadryl and a puff of ventolin.

It was close. VERY close. But our little baby boy was safe.

That story still gives me goose bumps to this day, and it's not something I wish on anyone. Ever. Which is why I'd like to help you identify food allergies.

So, how do you know if your child has a food allergy?

First, it's important to understand that there are different levels of food allergies. Some are very mild, and others are life threatening in a very scary way. Either way, they should be taken very seriously.

1. Introduce foods one at a time

The easiest way to recognize a food allergy for the first time in babies is to introduce foods one at a time.

The first time you introduce a food, there will be no reaction because the body doesn't know the food and doesn't know how to react.

The second time around (I suggest the next day), if there is an allergic reaction, it will be mild, and you'll notice a rash or swelling on his stomach/chest. This could take anywhere from a few minutes to about 2 hours after he ate the food. It's important to check because it'll give you an indication on what to expect the third time you give the food.

The third time is when you can get a severe allergic reaction known as anaphylaxis, which is life threatening since you can literally stop breathing. If you notice any reaction other than a skin rash, call the emergency. Don't wait!

I suggest introducing the known allergens last, like cow's milk, eggs, tree nuts, peanuts, soy and fish.

2. Learn how to recognize food allergy symptoms

Since your child may not be able to speak to express how he's feeling, I'm only going to give you the symptoms you can see and hear.

• Skin rash
• Swelling of the lips and tongue
• Vomit
• Breathing difficulties, wheezing and coughing
• Loss of consciousness

3. Know what to do in case of an allergic reaction

If an allergic reaction isn't something you're already aware of and have an epipen for, or if you suspect anything, call a health information line (ours in Quebec is 811). On the other hand, if you see a rapid evolution of the symptoms stated above, call the emergency ambulance service (911 in Canada). You will have enough time to recognize the symptoms and call so don't panic, but don't wait either if you're not sure. Minutes count! In either situation, I suggest notifying your child's pediatrician as soon as possible and meet with him to ask all your questions.

Here are some egg free dessert recipes I've shared in the past that I think you might like:
Egg free vanilla cupcake recipe
Egg free apple upside-down cake
Egg free gingerbread cookie recipe
5 minute homemade chocolate pudding (eggless)
Maple buckwheat crepe recipe (no eggs)

Like I mentioned above, I wrote a 4 page guide for you about replacing eggs in cooking and baking. It also includes a list of synonyms of eggs to look out for when shopping packaged foods.

Do you have any questions about food allergies you'd like me to address? Egg in particular? I'd love to help and answer any questions you might have! Have you ever witnessed a severe allergic reaction?

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am simply a mom sharing her experience. If you have any doubts, please contact your medical professional or 911 in case of an emergency.

Why I Chose a Natural, Unmedicated Childbirth

When I learned I was pregnant with my first child, I was overcome by a rush of mixed emotions; I was overjoyed and excited, but I was also scared and worried. I was anxious to meet my very first child, but I was also worried about all the implications and responsibilities. Would the pregnancy go well? Would my child be healthy? Would I be a good mom? And of course, the unavoidable "oh my god, I'm actually going to have to give birth!" - That in itself is a scary thought.

I've always been petrified of giving birth. Like, nightmare city. Why wouldn't I be? We keep hearing horror stories about it our whole life and most people are convinced that the epidural is the only way to go. You know what though, there's a lot of stories we don't hear, and nature is made a certain way for a reason. That being said, I realize that sometimes, things go wrong, and I'm glad we have modern medicine to help us; I'm not one to refuse help when I need it. Which brings me to the question a lot of you asked. Why did I chose a natural, unmedicated childbirth?

Before I continue, I want to say that I respect the choice of every woman. Childbirth and your body are two very personal things; no one has the right to tell you you're weak if you take the epidural and no one has the right to tell me I'm stupid for choosing to endure so much pain. We all do our research and make our own decision based on what we know and are comfortable with.

To be honest, I'd always been so afraid about childbirth that I always assumed I wanted a medicated birth. Somehow, deep inside, something just didn't feel right every time I thought about an epidural. I think I always knew that for me, a natural childbirth was the only way to go, and that's why I was so afraid.

So, why did I choose a natural, unmedicated childbirth?

LIVING A FULL EXPERIENCE

I don't do things at 50%. I never have. It's always been everything or nothing. So for me, my main reason came naturally; it's either no baby, or the whole experience at 100%. I don't think I could have lived with the fact that I had the chance to have a baby (when many women don't), and I didn't live the whole experience.

CURIOSITY

I'm a very curious person. I always have a bazillion questions (which tends to drive other people nuts), so a natural birth experience for me, was a way to satisfy my curiosity. What does it feel like? What really happens? Is the pain really that bad?

THE LESS MEDICINE THE BETTER

Lastly, I'm undecided about medication. The less I manage to consume, the better I feel about my choices. I realize sometimes it's unavoidable, but I'm not one to take it "just in case" or just because I don't want to "deal with it". All pharmaceuticals have side effects, known or not, and I make a conscious choice to minimize my exposure. The possible side effects of an epidural on the mother are scary: longer labor, need of forceps, higher risk of tearing, increased need for Pitocin and/or a c-section, decreased breastfeeding efficiency, possible paralysis. Even more so for your baby (respiratory depression, decreased fetal heart rate, struggle latching-on to breastfeed). Like I said above, I don't rule out medical interventions completely. I'm not stupid; if I can't bear the pain or my baby's life is at risk (or mine), of course I'm going to take medicine and accept medical procedures! So far though, I'm almost always able to deal with things intervention free.

What kind of birth experience did you choose and why?

If you've read my first and second birth stories, you know that I'm very happy with my experiences and that were I to do it again, I would choose the same path. They were intense experiences that involved quite a bit of pain, but it taught me a lot about myself; I'm dedicated to my plans, curious about life, fierce in personality, passionate about the well being of my children, strong willed and, in control of myself yet able to let go. Basically, the experience truly empowered me and reinforced who I am deep within.

My second birth story

I was going through my saved posts and I realized I never posted the birth story of my second child. It was over a year ago, but I really wanted to share it because it was such a beautiful and positive experience that I feel it can reassure future moms out there.

Let's get one thing straight before I get started though. Giving birth is giving birth. Even though my experience was positive, it wasn't easy and required a lot of strength, dedication and self-motivation (much like anything of value in life).

It all started on a Monday night. I had only just stopped working the previous Friday and I was looking forward to having a couple of weeks to pack my bags, get the baby's room ready, spend some quality alone time with my first son and relax a bit. It turns out my little bundle of joy had another plan for us.

At exactly 37 weeks of pregnancy, Z decided to make a surprise appearance into the world. I was excited to meet him but at the same time I was a bit scared. I think that's normal though, doesn't every mom panic when she goes into labor? I was actually pretty worried I'd deliver on the side of street midway to the hospital seeing as my first delivery went so fast.

I had an appointment with my OBGYN earlier that day, at around 5pm. After doing an internal exam (you know the one), she confirmed that I was neither dilated or effaced; as in, ZERO. Pretty normal for 37 weeks of pregnancy. I returned home completely oblivious to what was about to happen. I quickly cooked supper for my family and rushed to my prenatal yoga class on an empty stomach. When I returned home, I was pretty tired, so I went to relax in bed a few minutes as I checked social media on my iPhone. My husband walked in to bring me supper, so I moved over to sit up and that's when I felt it, this weird kind of "mini explosion" in my stomach, sort of like a balloon popping. My first thought: "Um, that's not normal."

Then it happened; as I stood up to get out of bed, water leaked between my legs. I was freaking out, I was like: "Oh my god, am I peeing? Wait, no, I can't be... I can't hold it in!! Oh my god oh my god is that what it's like to lose your water? That's so weird!" So I quickly made my way to the bathroom as water was literally gushing out of me. I never lost my water during my first delivery, so I had no idea!

Since we had absolutely nothing ready, my husband rushed around trying to wipe water off the floor and pack as quickly as he could. I couldn't help because every time I tried to move, more water came gushing out and we had to clean it up, so I just sat on the toilet and handled the panicking and the phone calls.

I called our babysitter so she could watch over my older son (who was sleeping for the night, thank god!) until my father arrived. After notifying my dad, I gave my mom a call. She was with my grand-mother taking care of my very sick grand-father. She was supposed to be part of my delivery team, but she was so far away that by the time she arrived, the baby was born. Boo-urns. Anyway, I remember giving my sister a call because I needed someone to talk to that could calm me down and help me focus.

The babysitter arrived and Antonio (my husband) had finished packing the car. I ended up having to put a dress on so that I could put a big rolled up towel between my legs to absorb the water which would not stop coming out! I'm pretty sure I scared our poor 11yo babysitter with that towel.

So we're in the car and I don't really have contractions, some mild discomfort, yes, but nothing too wild. Panic attacks though? Um, yes. I was so worried I would die in labor. I know, ridiculous in this day and age, but I'm a worry bug when it comes to things like that. We arrived at the hospital, parked the car relatively far since the parking lot is quite small and there's rarely any space available. I had no trouble walking all the way to the maternity ward.

We arrived and the nurse gave some forms to my husband and asked me to come in. She wanted me to sit so that she could plug me to a machine which would monitor the baby's heart. I was like, plug? Sure. Sit? Hell no. She was not happy because she couldn't watch the baby's heart rate if I wasn't sitting. Um, you can use your stethoscope lady, or some other tool. I know it's harder, but I don't care about your comfort, I care about my well being and the safe delivery of my child.

At this point I started having mild contractions, maybe every 2 or 3 minutes? Nothing unbearable. I kept telling her to bring me into a birthing room, that it wouldn't take long, but she wouldn't listen and she kept telling me to calm down. I think she was annoyed at me but I knew how my first delivery went and I didn't want to deliver in the hallway.

After about a half hour, she finally took me into a birthing room and since she hadn't offered a hospital robe, I took off all my clothes (one less thing to worry about). She sent another nurse and a student to take care of me, both of which had no idea what to do.

I asked for a birthing ball because I remembered how good it felt with my first. Sadly, it didn't work this time. When I tried to sit on it, the pressure on my pelvic area was unbearable. I had no clue how to position myself so I just stood up, placed my hands on the side of the bed and put my weight on my hands.

Contractions started to be a bit more intense at this point. I swayed from side to side between contractions and during contractions I squatted like a frog while doing my disturbingly long and low-pitched "ohm" sound. My husband was trying to massage my lower back and do pressure points like the nurse had shown him during my first delivery. Alas, he didn't remember where, or how, and it was doing more harm than good, so he stopped. He rubbed my back instead and brought me as many cold compresses as he could.

I remember the nurse asking me if I wanted laughing gas at one point and I'm pretty sure I gave her a death stare. I kept asking for things like ice and a massage and she didn't budge. I was seriously disappointed in the service she offered. To top it off, my mom hadn't arrived yet. I was doing it all alone. Next time I'm getting a Doula for sure.

Anyway, after a while I thought: "If this is anything like the first, I must be at around 7cm dilated now. It hurts so much and I have no help! I'm never going to make it to the end." I should have remembered that usually when you start wanting to give up, it's because the end is near...

Low and behold, it starts to push. I was in complete disbelief. I was like: "It's pushing, it's pushing!" I struggled to get onto the bed as the nurse said: "That's not possible, let's see how much you're dilated." As I got onto the bed on 4 legs, my body pushed a second time (note: my body, not me) and the head came out.

After that, all I remember is the doctor rushing in while putting her gloves on and asking: "Are you really going to deliver like that?" I starred. Enough said. She said push, I pushed once and the baby came out. He was born at 3 past midnight.

I turned, they put his little naked body on my chest and he pushed with his little arms to look up at me. It was magical. I let him snuggled with me a bit before helping him to my breast to eat. But that's another story...

My 5 basic pregnancy must-haves

Not too long ago, I decided to start sharing my pregnancy and motherhood experiences:

• 5 activities I enjoyed during pregnancy
• my first birth story 
• what to expect during pregnancy

Today, I wanted to share 5 things which were a must for me during both of my pregnancies. I'm well aware that each pregnancy is different, and I'm not a doctor, but these are things that helped me during both of mine, so I thought I would pass the information along. It never hurts to share, right? :)



1. SNACKS
For me, this was an absolute must. In the beginning, I felt so sick and bloated that I was worried eating would make me feel worse. It didn't completely make the nausea disappear, but it did help a lot. I could only eat bland tasting foods like crackers and nuts, yogurt, stuff like that, and it had to be in small continuous portions.

2. COMFORTABLE CLOTHES
With all the body changes, comfort was super important for me. At least, as much comfort as possible. I wore lose stretchy clothes (like leggins, long tank tops and cardigans), flat shoes and sport bras. What I love most about all of these items is that you can use them before, during and after pregnancy. Saving money is important right?

3. PRENATAL VITAMINS
This is a basic item during pregnancy. My OBGYN recommended I take some to help me deliver all the necessary nutrients to my growing baby. I never say no to helping my baby grow safe and strong!

4. EXTRA PILLOWS
I heard a lot of hype about body pillow but they didn't work for me. I always ended up very uncomfortable. What I did find comfortable though, was having lots of pillows around me. One between my legs, one under my head, hugging one, and one in my back. Everyone is different so play around to see what works best for you. Essentially, this helps keep your spine straight and for me, it also helped with lower back pain.

5. TUMMY BUTTER
I'm sure everyone knows about stretch marks. The bonus question is how to avoid them. Is it even possible? I was lucky and didn't get any during either of my pregnancies. I used Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula and loved it. It smells delicious and feels rich on your skin. I also used organic coconut oil. Even if it doesn't help with stretch marks, you can always ask your loved one to give you and baby a nice massage!

What kind of things helped you during your pregnancy?

5 activities I enjoyed during pregnancy

I've always heard you should keep doing the same physical activities you're used to during pregnancy. For me though, that would have meant sitting in front of my computer screen all day long. No way that was going to happen. I wanted to take good care of the little one growing inside me, and of myself, to prepare for delivery. I wanted light activities, that I could easily build up and maybe even continue after giving birth.

prenatal yoga

I remember thinking I would never EVER do yoga, it was much too weird, those positions, the heavy breathing, why would anyone like that? I had no idea how amazing it actually is. When my masseuse suggested it to me I kind of laughed in my head. On my way back home though, I figured why not? She'd always given me very good advice and I trusted her. This was BY FAR the best activity I did for myself; I even returned during my 2nd pregnancy. I have to be honest though, it really depends on the teacher, and how serious you are about it.

My first teacher was awesome, she showed us basic positions and encouraged us to try harder variations depending on our capacities. The cat/cow pose did wonders for my lower back pains (it was also the most amazing way to push during the last phase of labor!). The child's pose helped me a lot with relaxation and deep breathing (even during labor!). The butterfly pose was great for helping widen my hip bones and the goddess pose allowed me to practice muscular endurance combined with breathing exercises (which helped prepare me for dealing with the pain of labor).

The most important thing I learned though, was how to breathe and not feel stupid about doing it loudly. We worked on vocal ohms during most poses (my second teacher didn't do this and I was quite disappointed). What is ohm you ask? It's a deep breathing sound that comes from deep within. The weirdest thing ever, seriously, I felt like I was mooing like a cow. You know what though? This was probably THE BEST thing to practice for delivery. During labor, this is one of the only things that helped me stay focused and relaxed. Instead of thinking about the pain, I would thing about those very long deep sounds I was making. Magic.

prenatal swimming

I've always loved water so naturally, I had to inquire at the pool if they had prenatal programs and they did! So I registered. I remember thinking I looked pretty silly jumping up and down in the water and walking around waving my arms. At first I didn't think it was helping me much, but after a while, I discovered that the intensity of the workout depends on how much energy you put into it. I pushed a little bit harder every class. I'm not sure how much this activity actually helped me physically, but it was nice to think about something else for a while and get out of the house. I didn't end up doing this activity for my second pregnancy but I'm glad I tried it out.

By the way, this is probably one of the times you'll be wanting to wear a bikini. I've always been shy about my body, but being pregnant is just so beautiful that I felt super comfortable showing off my new curves. Which worked out well because I didn't have to buy a completely new bathing suit. Although I did have to change the top because my breasts engorged so much that my existing one ended up looking like tiny little triangles. Lol.

walking

I really enjoyed walking during my pregnancy. It was a nice way to get some fresh air, spend some quality time with my husband, and get moving. This is an activity that I continued doing with my children once they were born. It's good for everyone, forces us to spend some time together, and it's a great activity to give you a break from entertaining your kids (especially if you don't want to use the television as a distraction).

professional massages

If you don't already do this on a semi-regular basis I strongly suggest it. Even if it's just once a month, it's totally worth it. Getting all those tensions out of your muscles is a must, especially during pregnancy. All the changes going on in my body caused me discomfort, and this was an amazing way to ease my body into accepting these changes. I did this for both of my pregnancies and continue to do so when I need some "me" time. 

going out

Restaurants, operas, plays, weekend escapades, or even just to the movies. I tried to go out as much as I could before I had my first child because I knew it would be a while before I would be able to do so again. I'm glad that I did and would most likely do it WAY MORE than I did because now I know how much "no time for myself" actually means "no time for myself". I figured I'd have at least an hour to myself every day. Nu-hun. Nope. Nada. Even when/if I can find a little time to go out, I either end up feeling guilty or thinking about my kids the entire time. I'm sure this is something that will fade over time, but for now, it's a little bit overwhelming. In any case, I quite enjoyed taking the opportunity to go to the movies and eat out during my pregnancy.


The most important thing I got from doing these activities though, is some time to reflect on my pregnancy; what I wanted to get out of it, what I hoped for my little one, how I wanted my delivery to go and what role I wanted my husband to have in the process. It also gave me the opportunity to make friends with other women that were going through the same thing as me.


Disclaimer: I am not a health professional, I am simply sharing my personal experience hoping to encourage future mothers. What worked for me may not work for you. Always consult your obstetrician with questions concerning your pregnancy.

What to expect during pregnancy

Becoming a parent is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It's so fulfilling and brings an immense amount of joy in my life.

Before I had children (and even now) I heard so many stories about difficult pregnancies, births and kids that I was scared to have any.  I didn't really know what to expect. Everyone is a little afraid of the unknown right?

For some reason, I still really wanted kids. There was something about the idea that made me feel complete.  And you know what? My experience was/is amazing! Sure, there were a few rough times like anything else in life, but in general, it was pretty positive.

So I decided to share my motherhood journey with all of you in order to reassure future mothers because beautiful and positive pregnancies do happen! I'll start with pregnancy, then talk about birth and work my way up to parenting.

Before I get started though, I just want to be clear; I don't doubt that some women have very difficult pregnancies and births, but my story is not like that and I just want to share it so that everyone knows that good experiences also happen.

So here we go... I'll start with my pregnancy symptoms and a few tips that helped me out. In green are the symptoms I had, in red are the symptoms I didn't have (but thought I would).

my symptoms

EXTRA SALIVA (1st trimester only)
Extra what? Yup, extra saliva. I was over salivating for 4 months in the beginning of both of my pregnancies. Has anyone ever heard of that? I sure hadn't... I had to carry this little spit bag around with an insane amount of Kleenex and spent half my days spitting because the extra saliva made me nauseous. I felt like a camel (or is it a lama?) and it was gross; Most-Annoying-Symptom-Ever.

NAUSEA (1st trimester only)
Although I didn't feel very nauseous during my first pregnancy, it really stepped up a notch during the second. It felt like the end of a cold mixed with the end of a stomach flu. For both pregnancies, it was more in the afternoons than in the mornings (no idea why they call it morning sickness), so the whole cracker before you get up thing didn't really apply to me. I'm guessing it's because I was tired so my body was less tolerant. Having an empty stomach at any time during the day was just a no-no. Whatever you do, do not let yourself go hungry; eat small bland tasting snacks All-Day-Long. I want to be reassuring though, if you do vomit, it's not like a stomach flu; it happens so fast you don't even have time to realize what's happening.

FATIGUE (1st trimester only)
Good god I-Was-Exhausted. During my first trimester (for both of my pregnancies), not only would I sleep a minimum of 14 hours a day, I would also fall asleep absolutely everywhere. The kind of falling asleep that you just can't help, the one where your eyelids close by themselves and your brain shuts off. I guess it's good it happens that way though, because when you sleep, you don't feel the nausea! Just a little trick. ;)

ALTERED SENSE OF TASTE & SMELL (1st trimester only)
Food aversions were particularly interesting, especially in the first trimester. I could smell absolutely everything, even if my nose was congested. How weird is that? Perfumes were overwhelming, chicken stank and my saliva was just yuk (see #1). There wasn't really anything that I just all of a sudden loved (when before I didn't), it was more smells and tastes making me nauseous. Sometimes I didn't even need to taste the food, just seeing it (and smelling it) was enough to know that it would make me sick.

BACK PAIN
I must say that I did not expect this, but during the last trimester of each of my pregnancies, I could not bend over...and sometimes it was painful to walk. (Let's be real though, the pain was manageable, it was nothing serious, and it passed quite quickly). I found that getting regular massages, seeing an osteopath and doing prenatal yoga (particularly the child pose and the cat cow pose) helped a lot.

MOOD SWINGS
Other than crying while watching Bamby, I can't really say I had mood swings. Then again, maybe you should ask my husband, he might have a different answer. :P

CRAVINGS
You're probably thinking: "doesn't every woman get cravings?" I've heard so many people talk about pickles and ice cream that I thought it happened to every pregnant woman out there. Interestingly, it doesn't. At least not to me. I didn't have any cravings in either of my pregnancies; maybe it's just a superstition, maybe it's because I ate very balanced or maybe it's just genetics.

STRETCH MARKS
Nope, nothing here. I thought for sure I would get stretch marks, but I didn't. I didn't even moisturize my skin during my second pregnancy. I guess I must have elastic skin. I never really thought about it before but I never got any stretch marks, ever. My guess is, if you're prone to them before you get pregnant, you're likely to get some while you're pregnant. Fear not though, they're proof that you're a wild tigress! Rawr! ;)

EATING FOR 2
Yes, a pregnant woman is technically feeding herself to provide nutrients for 2 beings. I have to say though, I expected to be eating a lot, but I didn't. I ate frequently, but only tiny portions (because I either felt sick or had no more space in my stomach!!)...so at the end of the day, I just ate a regular amount of food. I'm not sure if this one is just a common joke because pregnant women eat all day, or if it's actually true for some women.

DIFFICULTY SLEEPING
Difficulty what? I wasn't sure if I would, but this one never affected me. At least not unless I drank a liter of water before bed time. Then again... who wouldn't it wake up?

WATER RETENTION
Nope. Nothing here. Maybe that happens more in the summer or if you eat a lot of salty things?

FREQUENT NEED TO PEE
I probably did need to pee more often but to be honest, I didn't even notice. I did find that I had more trouble holding it in though, but I think that's because my little misters used my bladder as a trampoline!

a few words of advice

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
This is probably the best and only advice you will need. Everyone will tell you different things, and you will find a lot of information on the internet, but you need to remember that the most important things are you and how you feel. Personally, I slept to avoid nausea. I slept to recover from exhaustion (which was prominent in my first trimester). I ate small amounts of food randomly throughout the day, everyday. 

SLEEP
If you are tired, sleep. I slept over 14 hours a night for each of my pregnancies in the first trimester, and I'm glad I did because it gave my body time to adjust to the boost in hormones... and most importantly, I had to deal with the nausea for a shorter period of time.

SNACK ALL DAY
I was reluctant at first because I didn't feel too good most of the time. I don't know about you but when I'm nauseous, the last thing I want to do is eat. Seriously tough (and I know this is counter-intuitive) eat! Not big meals. Small, regular bland snacks throughout the day. This will keep your stomach from being empty and reduce the nausea/vomiting you may be experiencing.

DRINK LOTS OF WATER
This one pretty much goes without saying. It will help with the nausea and will reduce a lot of the symptoms you might have by helping your body regulate itself.

LET THINGS GO
There will be a point where you will be too tired or too sore to care. Your whole life will seem upside down and may cause you stress. You'll need to learn to let the little things go, a skill that will come in handy once the little one arrives. You might think that every other pregnant woman (or mother) out there has it all together, but we don't, no one does. Just chillax, let the house get messy and let chores go undone. When in doubt, just go back to advice #1.

That's pretty much it. Even though it's a natural process, it isn't always easy. Just like anything in life, there are a few challenges. However, I can tell you that both my pregnancies were very manageable without any medical interventions (ie: pills) and quite pleasant for the most part. Take it one day at a time, and remember to trust your instincts.

Disclaimer: I am not a health professional, I am simply sharing my personal experience hoping to encourage future mothers. What worked for me may not work for you. Always consult your obstetrician with questions concerning your pregnancy.

4 must-have baby treasures

What toys do your kids have?

Finding suitable toys for my child was challenging. I wanted items that were stimulating and not toxic when chewed. The internet age has placed a lot of information at everyone's fingertips and it isn't always reassuring. Maybe we're being too careful, maybe not, either way, I rather not take the chance. Yes, information may change, but for now, the rule is: BPA, PVC and Phtalates free.

SOPHIE THE GIRAFFE by Vulli: ♥♥♥♥♥
Does every baby have this toy? Really? At first, it seemed so...dull, but then, my son fell in love. I swear, its the first toy he reaches for. He grabs her, bites her, squeezes her. Its really quite cute. She stimulates sight, hearing & touch. She is made out of latex rubber; BPA, PVC and Phthalates free. The paint is also made out of latex, with added food paint. The long neck and small legs make her easy to grab, squeeze and bite. As unlikely as it is, the only negative side is the possibility of choking on the long legs.

TOUCH RING - 4 RAINBOW RINGS by Heimess: ♥♥♥♥♥
The colors are very stimulating, the clinging sound is soft and the different rings challenge dexterity. The Heimess toys are safe for babies; the are made with wood and non toxic, saliva resistant colors. The only thing I don't like is that not much information can be found about this toy on the Heimess website.



STACKING CUPS by Green Toys: ♥♥♥♥♥
I love how versatile these cups are; you can stack them into a tower, you can sort sizes into nests and you can use them as cups to scoop and pour in the bath. They are made out of recycled plastic milk containers and are BPA, PVC and Phthalates free. The only things I don't like are the colors (let's just say they could be a bit more stimulating, like red blue and yellow) and the fact that they are a bit hard to stack into a tower.

WOOL BABY SLIPPERS by Padraigs: ♥♥♥♥♥
These slippers are a-ma-sing. Seriously. They are made with pure wool and are crocheted by hand with extra soft sheepskin lining and tough leather soles. They come in a variety of colors and sizes (including for adults). They "breathe" for year-long comfort.

Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored posts. All products were purchased by me. I gave my honest opinion.

My first birth story

I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant when I went into labor. Giving birth has always been one of my greatest fears. To my great surprise, the delivery of my first child went very well.

I didn't really feel anything until 10:30PM on may 31st. Now that I think back, I had some very mild discomfort from 5 to 10:30PM (sort of like when you eat something bad and you start to feel like you might soon get cramps). It was nothing serious, in fact, I didn't even notice. During that time we had dinner, went for a 2 hour walk (down and up hill) and took a nice warm bubble bath (because you know... it was Friday night and we wanted to relax before bed).

When we came out of the bath, bam, it hit me. Ouch, ouch, ouch! I was totally prancing around on my tip toes (it sounds funny but it helped a lot). I guess that's when I hit phase 2; active labor. I must have been about 5 cm dilated already. Contractions were about 50 seconds every 3 minutes... We honestly didn't know what to do, so we took the above picture thinking we had a few hours to spare... Ah! yea right. We called my mom and she told us to leave right away, so we did (good thing too).

It took us a half hour to drive to the hospital. It was the longest, most uncomfortable ride ever. We arrived at the hospital at around 11:30PM. Walking from the car to the hospital was seriously painful, I had to kneel down and put my head on the ground every 3 steps to deal with the pain. Thankfully a nearby man offered to help and went to get a wheelchair. Had he not been there I might have not made it.

We arrived at the birthing center, the nurse took one look at me and took me right in, no questions asked. We didn't have time to sign admission papers or anything. Thankfully my mom arrived at the same time. The nurse took me to the birthing room and she checked how far along I was... 7cm. Yup... Too late for drugs (not like I wanted them anyway, but still, a choice would have been nice). Oh well.

So I arrived just at the right time for phase 3; transitional labor. Wow that was painful, so very very painful. Every minute I had 60 second contractions; if you do the math, that's pretty much one big never ending contraction. I couldn't stand anymore, so I sat on a birthing ball and rolled big circles with my hips. I made really long low pitched moaning sounds (that was unbelievably helpful). My mom touched me to ask what she could do. Her hands were delightfully cold; it felt oh so good. Weird huh? Usually they say heat is best, but for me it was the opposite. So they went to get buckets of ice, ducked their hands in (my husband, mom and nurse) and massaged my hips and shoulders. Then they put cold compresses on my forehead and back. Thank goodness they were all there helping me, the support made things much more bearable. I was very lucid during the whole thing, they talked to me, I answered. I remember at one point, where I was losing control, the nurse grabbed my face firmly in her hands and snapped "that's enough!"... to her amusement, I replied "thank you! I needed that!" she thought it was pretty funny.

Then came the last phase; you know, where you have to push the baby out. It was seriously the weirdest feeling in the world. There wasn't anything I could do about it, my body just pushed by itself; whether I wanted to or not, the baby was coming out. To my pleasant surprise, I didn't feel pain anymore. It scared me a little, I was afraid that if I teared, it would hurt. I ended up going on four legs, and making very quick high pitched breathing patterns (to keep the little one in a bit longer, you know, to help the skin stretch slowly). I was also swaying back and forth which helped move the baby down. The doctor came in at 1:57AM, I turned onto my back, pushed 3 times, and out came the baby. Plus, no tear. Yay!

They put him on my stomach, and he did the breast crawl (where the baby crawls up to the breast and latches on its own). Within 45 minutes he was breastfeeding. I am so happy with the way everything happened; it's exactly how I had hoped it would go.



I would like to thank my husband, mom, and nurse... the delivery would have been much more difficult to handle without each of you. I would also like to thank my son, for bringing so much joy into my life; I love you more than you could ever imagine.